Chocolate Pandemonium!
by yamaihime
Summary: Gray had wanted a normal day after being frozen to his lifelong rival on a water slide and then being blasted off said water slide by an over-exuberant Fire Dragon Slayer. Hello what's this? A frilly apron wearing Lyon cooking chocolate on his stove in the wee hours of the morning? Yup, just another normal average day. Pure and utter crack.


**Full Summary: **Gray had wanted a normal day after being frozen to his lifelong rival on a water slide and then being blasted off said water slide by an over-exuberant Fire Dragon Slayer. Hello what's this? A frilly apron wearing Lyon cooking chocolate on his stove in the wee hours of the morning? Yup, just another normal average day. Gruvia with pure and utter crack and in commemoration for the glorious chapter 298 of Fairy Tail.

**Pairings:** Gruvia, LyonxGray (CRACK)

**Rating:** T

**Warnings:** Apron wearing boys being oogled by non-apron wearing rivals, basic cooking hazards and handling of hot items (nothing implied), some implied, ahem, events . . . oh and pure and utter crack.

**Author's note: **My second semi-crackfic by popular demand. Read at your own leisure for sheer and utter nonsense awaits the reader ~~

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**Chocolate Pandemonium!**

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After yesterday's events with the Guild, Gray had had just about enough of pools and water slides. He groggily got up, stomach rumbling to signify his hunger. Scratching his head and lifting the covers off his half naked body (he only slept in boxers and even that was by Lucy and Erza's constant nagging), he went into the kitchen, scratching his mussed up black hair and making it even messier than it was to begin with.

As soon as he entered the kitchen, a sweet, caramell-y scent hit his nostrils. As he opened his eyes wider to take in the scene, he saw, to his utter amazement and slight embarrassment . . . Lyon.

And not just plain old annoying Lyon.

And definitely not well dressed, smart casual, smirking Lyon either.

This Lyon was humming a tune, shaking his hips slightly as he hummed. Wearing nothing but a pair of black boxers and a pink and white frilly apron, Lyon, Gray's eternal rival for all things worth rivaling over . . . was stirring a pot of chocolate on the stove.

Gray's mind imploded.

. . .

Lyon was having a normal day after yesterday's not so normal events. He had sufficiently embarrassed himself in front of Juvia-chan, had rode a water slide of love with his hated but on-friendly-terms rival and he had a sore back to prove it.

Thus, to remedy the embarrassment of yesterday, he had decided to go to Juvia-chan's inn and room to make her hot steaming pancakes with chocolate and strawberries. Yes, the way to a woman's heart is definitely through chocolate, Lyon thought with a smirk, humming to himself, rather pleased with his ingenious plan.

He placed the tray of pancakes he had made to the side as he stirred the pot of chocolate smoothly, lifting the ladle up out of the steaming dark liquid to see it drip down from the ladle in a thin rich brown ribbon, landing in rivulets on the surface of the cooking syrup.

He couldn't help but breathe in the rich chocolate-y scent, marveling at his improvement in cooking skills. Ever since he had attended that one off cooking workshop hosted by Blue Pegasus, what was the name of it? Ah yes, "Cooking Basics 101 for Single Men Desperate for Attention"; Ever since he had attended said cooking workshop, he had learnt the basics of the fine cooking art and was even able to indulge his teammates of Lamia Scale with a unique yet delicious dish of his creation.

It was time to put those skills to good use and actually use them as per the workshop's title and impress Juvia-chan. She had to see that Gray, as alright an Ice-make wizard as he were, was no match for Lyon's skills of magic and cook woo-ing.

He beat the spoon against the side of the pot, removing any traces of chocolate from the spoon and put it to the side. As he turned around, he witnessed a sight he did not particularly expect nor wanted to see.

It was Gray.

And not just old, annoying, younger pupil Gray who was constantly a thorn in his side and someone he had to babysit and keep out of trouble.

This Gray was very red. Steam was blowing in puffs from his ears and besides the rigidness of his stance and the twitching of a large vein on his pasty forehead, he was staring at Lyon as if he had grown two heads, finger pointing rudely at his face, an occasional tremor going through his rigid stance.

Lyon's first reaction was not what it should be. The early hours of the morning was giving him very acute clarity.

"You bastard!" Lyon shouted, pointing a finger at the shock stricken youth's face.

"What the hell are you doing in Juvia-chan's bedroom?"

This seemed to jolt Gray from his earlier reverie and he glared back at Lyon, face contorted in anger.

"What am I doing in MY own bedroom you mean! I should be asking you what you're doing cooking on MY stove wearing nothing but a girly apron, no less!"

Lyon looked down at himself, flushing slightly. Well what could he do? There was no other apron to borrow that morning other than Shelly's. All his blue aprons were in the laundry since last night; and he had so wanted to wear his "Kiss the Cook" apron when he handed Juvia-chan her morning treat . . .

"Screw what I'm wearing! It's not like you're a role model for fashion yourself either!"

Gray tsked at this, glaring harder at Lyon.

"That still doesn't change the fact that you're in my kitchen cooking . . .what are you cooking you slanty-eyed bastard?"

"That is none of your concern you half-naked bastard!"

"You're wearing the same as me except for that girly apron!"

"It's the only one that I had access to today! At least I try to put clothes on, whatever they may be, instead of unconsciously losing articles of clothing on me!"

"You trying to pick a fight, you white-haired bastard?!"

"You're the one rising to the occasion you black-haired bastard!"

And with that, one tackled the other, right into the stove which had thankfully been turned off for some time now.

But the heat of the stove, the potential accidental burns and the degrees of such burns was not the issue.

Gray had body tackled Lyon, right in the trajectory of the stove. Lyon had tried to grab on to something as his arms flung out wildly at the impact of Gray's tackle, and the only item at his disposal was a chocolate pot full of steaming, warm, syrupy chocolate.

CRASH!

A loud clatter of metal on tile, a slosh of liquid on skin and a warm burning sensation on said skin made both mages stop what they were doing. They stared wide eyed at each other, each covered in a good amount of chocolate but now, they seemed much too close to each other.

Lyon could see the flecks of brown in Gray's dark eyes, and a hint of a blush was on both males' cheeks as they found that their upper torsos were sticky with chocolate and effectively stuck to the other's.

At that moment, much to Lyon's delight and Gray's utter embarrassment, Juvia had decided to pay a morning visit to Gray's room.

"Gray-sama, Juvia wanted to wish Gray-sama a good mor-"

Juvia's eyes widened as she took in the scene of two males, her beloved Gray-sama being one of them, covered head to toe in brown substance, lying haphazardly on top of another male with white spiky hair, who was also covered in the brown stuff himself.

Juvia recognized said other man instantly.

"Lyon-sama?" Juvia's mind went into a whirlwind of chaos.

W-w-wait, thought Juvia, if this is like this, then . . . then . . .

"PANDEMONIUM!", the water mage shouted, almost fainting on the spot with her revelation. _I thought yesterday's events were an accident! _Thought Juvia in her mind desperately, grabbing the sleeve of her nightdress with her teeth, comically crying to herself as she faced away from the distressing sight.

. . .

Gray looked on at Juvia's hunched and turned back, shaking his head. _Oh boy_, he thought. _Here it comes._

A shocked Lyon looked towards his precious Juvia chan, concerned_. I hope she's not mad about all this chocolate that's gone to waste_, he worried.

Just then, Juvia straightened up, and turned ever so slowly to meet the eyes of both boys who were still lying, frozen on the ground.

Juvia's eyes were hidden beneath her bed head bangs as she walked slowly over to the two lying on the floor. Gray sighed and Lyon's eyes grew wide in panic.

"Juvia . . . now . . . has . . . AN ETERNAL LOVE RIVAL!" she declared, eyes demonically red and finger pointing shakily at Lyon, whose own eyes widened even further.

"W-w-wait, Juvia-chan, this isn't how it loo-"

He didn't get to finish his sentence, as a hand grabbed his arm and pulled him out underneath the tangled mass of limbs. The next thing he knew, a blast of high pressure water was being thrown his way, searing his flesh through the thin frilly apron.

Gray watched morbidly as Juvia effectively blasted Lyon out his window with a hydro cannon of water. Still lying prone on the ground, Gray gazed wide-eyed as Juvia rounded on him, a glint in her eye, her fingers twitching radically. _Oh no_, Gray thought, in horror.

"Gray-sama, you're all dirty. Let Juvia help you clean yourself up."

A lick of her lips had Gray scrambling to the corner of his kitchen stove.

"N-n-no! W-w-wait! J-Juvia! I can do it myself! Wait! Hey I said wait a second! Wait! Just lick it off the pot! What are you doing?! A-ah~"

. . .

In another room conveniently near the one that was bustling with ahem, activity, Elfman listened with an ear to the wall, blushing to the roots of his starch white hair. Next to him, a lady in a green silk nightdress listened in on the commotion too. Both with a blush to rival each other's, slowly turned to look at one another . . . noticing a bit too late that they were once again, very much . . alone . . . .

**Epilogue:**

Lyon got up groggily from his slump on the cobbled floor outside Juvia-chan's accommodation. He shook his head to clear out any water in his ear. Sighing he turned to the inn, gazing at the window on the third storey he had just been blasted out of. _Gotta love a feisty woman_, he thought to himself, smirking slightly. As he turned away, he caught the eye of one red-headed shrimp of a man, slinking towards him with an evil glint in his eye.

That morning, if Sting had looked out of his bedroom window, he would've seen a half-naked apron clad man running like his life depended on it, from a shrimp that seemed to fly in mid-air following him keenly, a manly cry of Men~~ echoing as the two figures raced away.

**.Le Fin.**

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**Author's End Note:** A crack fic of utter crack for anyone who loves crack :D

Until next time ~~


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